My First Message
I got a reminder today that I have been instructed, in the past, to “Tell them” and I have not. This instruction came hard on the heels of my second-ever In sight, several years ago. Yes, I did tell the immediate group of people I was with, but someone challenged me to rethink who ‘them’ was and I realized that perhaps I should be expanding my context.
That’s where it stopped. To be sure I have talked about my experiences since then, on a one-to-one basis -- when the topic of messages from ‘God’ came up! Not exactly living in the spirit of the instruction, I am sure. So I will now attempt to convey the two In sights I have received previously.
They are still as fresh to me now as they were when I ‘heard’ them many years ago – and I did actually hear both of them. It was as if someone in the room had spoken, yet there was no one there. It freaked me out the first time, but the message came through, loud and clear, and it changed my life.
Let me start by saying that I was always an inquisitive child. Very inquisitive. I drove my mother crazy with my constant questions. Why…? Why…? Why…? I always wanted to know the reason behind everything, including any instruction I was given. I’m sure all you parents can sympathize with my mom, the primary instruction-giver in the house.
So this has been my modus operandi all my life - needing to know the logic behind every action. As an adult, I still ask “Why…?” and am not willing to accept a mindless or trivial response. There has to be a valid reason for doing something, or why bother? (another ‘why’, you’ll notice) Now add another layer. Since I was 12 years old, I have dealt with depression. At least 12 years old is the first memory I have of wanting to die. That is how my depression manifested itself – a sudden, usually unprovoked urge to kill myself, coupled with exhaustion. Sleep was my refuge. And it was during one of these depressed episodes that I received my first message.
I wasn’t asleep. I was in bed, though, crying, in my room, with the door closed so no one would know what I was going through. I was dealing with the ‘Big Why?’ I had been crying and complaining to God that there was no reason for me to go on. I could see no purpose to my life, or for continuing this suffering, and was letting God know that I was miserable and wanted some answers. And I was getting increasingly agitated and angry about the state of my existence. Why was I here on earth? What was the purpose of my life? For that matter what was the purpose of life, period? If I just had some idea of why I was here, I could deal with this unrelenting sadness. Why couldn’t He just show me what He had in store for me? What was His plan?? Why didn’t He just tell me???
It was at the height of this tirade that I heard my answer. And I do mean heard. A stern voice, a voice that was so real that I spun around on my bed to see who had come into my room, said “Because I don’t want you to know.”
There was no one else in the room.
I was shaken. But I also got the message. Because along with the voice, the ‘physical’ message, came the In sight that we are not meant to know. We are never to know, so long as we are on this earth. The whole point of life is to question, and to seek answers and to grow…continually. That is the Purpose of Life.
It was a true revelation. And I can honestly tell you that it changed my life. I have never again asked what the purpose of my life, or Life in general , is, because I know the answer. With absolute certainty. The purpose of our BE-ing is simply to ask questions, to grow, to experience and to marvel, as a child, at the intricacies and variety of our existence here on earth. And that’s enough. Life is wonder-full.
